giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
