You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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