i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You have to summon your inner elephant
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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