i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
