I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
