she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
