I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was born a porn star she said
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
