im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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