I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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