I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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