The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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