If i come over, it means nothing
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
