Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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