If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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