My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
