My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
