Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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