i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
