If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize