There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize