What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everyone is single if you try hard enough
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
