I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
