You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
