Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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