Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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