you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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