Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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