Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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