The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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