Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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