Life is so much better after having sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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