After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
