So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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