get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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