If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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