i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
