YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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