Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
