Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
should my penis look like a turkey
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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