it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
