i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
