The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
