pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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