His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
