i think i have herpe
just one?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
