1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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