she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
