if you like me you must not know who I am
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
