Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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