I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want nice things and good sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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