your thong is hanging out like whoa
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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