Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
