Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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