we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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