I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
