You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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