Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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