I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
