I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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