Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
