i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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