is your mom at the bar?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize