I haven't been this sober since birth.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
