I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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