Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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