I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
