don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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